Monday, August 14, 2017

Accepting Truth from Non-Members: What Dad and South Park Have in Common

Dad was in the kitchen engaging in his evening ritual: a cocktail of Scotch and water. And as usual, he had some jazz standards playing to help him relax. I sat on the sofa enjoying the breeze blowing in through the open door from the beach across the street. Each summer that I came home from Brigham Young University, I grew to appreciate the perfect Southern California climate I’d taken for granted in high school.

The light from the setting sun painted the room with golden light. But, despite the beautiful evening, I sat in distress. Too bad I couldn’t have a cocktail to take the edge off. I mean, I was 21, and legally I could. But when I was 16, I’d decided to become active in the Mormon church. So instead of joining my dad for a drink, which I’m sure he would have heartily welcomed, I sat ready to go meet my date, unable to bring myself to leave.

That summer, like whenever we were in the same vicinity, I picked up my relationship with my on-again, off-again non-Mormon boyfriend. Yet, as the years went by, it became harder to brush aside our major difference: religion. I’d often reel over how we could get past the religion piece, figuring there must be a solution I just wasn’t seeing, a way for me to remain faithful and still maintain the relationship.

In an uncharacteristic move, I opened up. “I don’t know what to do, Dad.”

Perceptively, he knew what I was referring to without me explicitly saying. He took a sip of his drink and shifted his eyes towards mine with a knowing glance. “Stick with your own kind,” he said.

I laughed, amazed that he knew what I was referring to and at his very politically incorrect way of giving advice. Yet, his words would be the nudge I needed to help me consider moving on from a relationship that didn’t feel right.

At that time, like a self-righteous 21-year-old, I figured there wasn’t much my dad could say that would impact me. After all, I was Mormon and he wasn’t. But when he spoke that phrase, I recognized that his fatherly advice was wise and inspired, even if partially by J&B.

This instance was just one of many making up the long, slow tutorial from God that I am no more spiritually evolved nor wise than my non-member friends and family. There are many important lessons I have learned from having relationships with people who believe differently than I do.

My dad is a jokester. I used to get extremely offended by the wise cracks he’d often make about my religion. When I was in my early twenties it would get me really worked up. “Why doesn’t he know that there are certain things you don’t joke about?” I ‘d think.  “To put down my religion is to put me down.”

But in my late twenties, I had an epiphany. I realized that these jokes weren’t about me. Joking was his way of reaching out, for better or for worse. I could choose to take it personally, or I could let it roll off my shoulders and love him anyway. When I realized his jokes were more about him than about me, everything changed. I somehow didn’t take offense anymore. Even though his jokes continued, they miraculously didn’t bother me. He is loving and generous; it would be foolish to allow something like the way he jokes to ruin our relationship.

I have been blessed since I made the decision to love, instead of to be offended. We’ve grown close and, almost two years ago, my family even moved 10 minutes away from him. He has been such a blessing and example in my life. My dad is a hard worker. With the Lion’s Club he serves selflessly in the community. He is a successful entrepreneur but will paint sidewalks in the ghetto and scrub down greasy grills for community events. He goes to Mexico to donate glasses and fixes up campgrounds for the blind and sight impaired.  I could have easily missed learning from him and enjoying all the love he gives to me and my family if I’d chosen to be offended and to consider myself more righteous than him.

My older sister is talented and vivacious—a free spirit. To be with Terra is to be expanding your frame of reference. When I decided to be Mormon at 16, she remained decidedly not Mormon.  And throughout the years, she’s challenged me. She cleverly uses Mormon teachings to get me to see things her way. She says things like, “If you believe so much in being Christlike, then why won’t you help me with this project.”  Or, “If you believe so much in family, why won’t you travel (from your home in Mexico City even though you have four kids) for this sibling’s weekend I planned.” She’s always had a way of making me think about whether I’m living what I profess to believe.  More than any of that, she is a constant learner. Whether its massage, aromatherapy, yoga, or gut health, she gets certified or becomes an expert in whatever she’s interested in. When I’m around her she makes me believe I am grand and that I should be sharing my gifts with the world. Since she is always creating, she gets me creating and reminds me how good it feels to create and share it. At first, I’d get all bent out of shape when she’d do things like question women’s roles in the church or show me the memorable South Park episode about the Book of Mormon. (It’s really quite accurate, just a little irreverent.) But over time, her critiques of the church led me to research and find out more deeply why I believe and, also, to be able to admit there are aspects of church culture that bother me. In short, she has helped to deepen my faith.

So much of my self-righteous thinking has been challenged by my non-member family and friends. I believe the truth necessary for salvation is contained within the Gospel of Jesus Christ. However, that does not mean we can claim to live that truth better than everyone else. I’ve seen so many non-members who live and understand aspects of the Gospel far better than I ever have. While they may not know they are living in accordance with Gospel truths, to the extent they are, it blesses their lives and the lives of the people around them.

The Book of Mormon prophet Jacob records a similar situation. He explains to his people that among them there are non-believers that are keeping certain commandments more fully than the believers. He tells them, “because of this observance, in keeping the commandment[s],…the Lord will be merciful into them; and one day they shall become a blessed people."

God knows all and loves all. He loves the non-Members of our family just as much as he loves us. In fact, it is my belief that we need the foil that only those of differing beliefs can provide for our faith to mature. While we do have the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we are light years away from understanding all that it’s truths encompass or how to live those truths completely. God provides us with family, friends and neighbors of other faiths to help us get closer to understanding the truth about who we really are and how much he loves and cares personally for all of his children.



What lessons have you learned from your relationships with people outside of your faith tradition/worldview?

Friday, August 4, 2017

Illusions of the First Law of Heaven

There I sat, smoking a cigarette, explaining the Plan of Salvation as I’d learned it back in Heber, Utah as a child going to Sunday School. It was Saturday night in the spring of 1993. I sat on the balcony of our rented beach apartment talking to a friend about the meaning of life. I was 16 and had experienced sadness and disappointment that left me empty inside. I’d gone through many phases searching to fill the void within. I tried hanging out with punks, gangsters, hippies, and the so called popular kids. I couldn’t fully embrace any of these lifestyles because everything felt so contrived, like we were all pretending to be something we weren’t. Maybe it was just me doing the pretending.

This particular Saturday night, I decided to stay home instead of going to yet another Long Beach house party with my sister. Instead, my friend came over and we found ourselves philosophizing about human existence as we understood it.

During the course of our conversation, I all of the sudden heard myself saying something to the effect of, “Yeah, there are all these commandments which sound difficult to keep, but they really just help us stay away from stuff that harms us and lead us to the things that will bring us happiness.”

I was unwittingly bearing my testimony leaving Heavenly Father an opening. He made his move.

The spirit filled my soul and said, “Don’t you want happiness?”

Yes! I yearned for it. Living in a broken home, making bad choices, and having no direction, left me aching for light and love in my life.

Before bed that night, I knelt to pray. It’d been a while. As I prayed, I felt the spirit envelop me and let me know I was needed. I felt that Heavenly Father needed me and my future family needed me. For a lost girl of 16, the message that I was needed was crucial.


I set my alarm, and went to church the next morning. It'd been a while...quite a while.

That decision to obey changed the direction of my entire life.

Obedience is the utmost act of faith because with our actions we tell Heavenly Father: I trust you. I trust that by keeping the commandments, I will be blessed.

But blessed how?

Does obedience really bring happiness?

We’ve all known people who faithfully keep the commandments, but who still experience heart-wrenching trials. The death of a loved one. Debilitating illness. Decisions by loved ones that they don’t agree with or understand. I’ve heard some people, when faced with these situations say things like, “I did everything I was supposed to do. I went on a mission, I got married in the temple, I paid my tithing and what good did it do me?” Because I haven’t been through their trials, I don’t presume to judge them. What’s interesting about their question though is that it implies a belief that obedience ensures that everything will go the way they expect. And when life doesn’t turn out the way they anticipate, they wonder if obedience is worth it.

Why would we be obedient to the commandments if there are no guarantees in this life?

What do we mean when we sing the line, “Keep the commandments in this there is safety, in this there is peace” or when we read the phrase repeatedly in the Book of Mormon that, “If ye keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land?” We need to break down what such phrases mean, because no one should be led to believe that keeping the commandments results in a happily-ever-after. Keeping the commandments does not guarantee an absence of sadness and trauma in our lives.

Yes, in keeping the commandments there is safety from unnecessary trials. Heavenly Father knows our lives will be very hard, so some of the commandments such as those associated with the Word of Wisdom or those pertaining to fidelity in marriage help to keep our already difficult human existence from being even harder. Some problems are avoidable.

And yes, in keeping the commandments, there is peace, because our Savior walks us step by step through the inevitable trials of life, showing us how to manage and potentially grow through them. After all, He will consecrate our afflictions for our gain when we rely on him. So, there is peace in realizing that an omniscient creator is pointing out the next step and aware of us. My most treasured moments in life are when Heavenly Father communicates to me so personally that I know the message is from him. That is in part the peace we sing about. 

Yet, we need to be careful about what we claim the promises of obedience really are.

The blessings of obedience come in the form of refined character and a purified soul.  Once we begin to look at the ways obedience blesses us, it is clear how obedience overtime creates a tapestry of virtues that can then serve us as we pass through life’s trials.


Just looking at some of the blessings of a few commandments shows how much we truly are blessed when we obey:
Paying tithing teaches generosity, being part of a community, humility, restraint, and protects against entitlement.

Honoring your parents fosters gratitude and humility. When we make a practice of being grateful we learn to focus on the positive which brings happiness and helps with problem solving. When we are humble, we can be taught of things as they really are. 

Honesty instills responsibility, hard work and accountability. Hard work and accountability contribute to successful relationships and productive lives.

These commandments and many others clearly bless our lives and enlarge our souls. For me, the biggest blessing of obedience, my promised land, is knowing that I can be the woman of whom I dream. I am her. It took a long time for me to be able to say that, but Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ did not give up on me. It was only by acquiring the attributes that come through obedience that I had eyes to see my divine nature more clearly.
    
How has obedience to the commandments of God blessed your life?